Asphyxiation

  I am fixed on asphyxiation.
   Smothering.
  Me.

 I am smothered by my loss and by what I have yet to gain, and accomplish.
  I am smothered by my entrapment.
   I am asphyxiated by my life.
Or at least what my life used to be.


 Happiness, smiling, laughter, sunshine.
  And what is left of all of that?
   Me.
I am the only thing left.
  
 Trapped in a house with just myself I have learned to make friends with the demons inside of me.
  The hunger, the aching, the lack of what I used to thrive on.

 I can't even write anymore. Nothing comes to me. No words are found to be flying off of my fingertips unless they are words of denial or forced words of happiness.
  
 Am I okay? How am I?
  Questions I don't even know how to answer anymore.

But if you were to ask me I'd say that I was fine. That I'm great. Life is just absolutely wonderful.


   But it's not. I am being asphyxiated by myself. 

      When will it end?