I'm Not Too Sure

 I don't even know what to say, my mind is being over run with thoughts. I thought I'd try and type them out but it's bit working. I'm going fucking crazy. I have no gas, so I haven't left the house in 2 days. One of my socalled bestfriends is spreading bullshit rumors. I haven't hardly slept in 2 nights. I'm going crazy. You've been on my mind and I think it's because people always bring you up around me. Because they don't know that you just fucking up and left my life like the piece of shit you want everyone to think you are. Oh god I fucking hate you. I do f hate you I just hate that I love you. And that I can't look hardly anywhere in my bedroom without your face being there somewhere or something there that reminds me if you. I wish I'd never fallen in love with you. I wish I'd never met you, because then I wouldn't have to feel this pain. And god I wish I could talk to someone who didn't call my choices a mistake and would be happy for me and the choices I make. No matter what. And I don't mean my dad. He does that enough. I mean I need a friend that won't judge me for having loved you. Who won't judge me for still loving you even after everything you put me through and still are. Even though you left it doesn't mean that I gave up on loving you and being here for you. Because when you love someone you don't give up. No matter his bad it may kill you inside. 

I will always love you. Even if I move on. There will always be a special place in my heart made especially for you.