The Pont Des Arts

  There is a bridge in Paris, that matches the wall on my heart, covered in locks, that never come apart.
   A wall of love, you write your name and the name of your beloved on the lock and attach it to the wall, then throw the key into the river.
   And just like in my heart the lock can never be removed. It's always going to be there as a symbol of once was meant to be forever. 
    
    But what is forever? Is it until the other person dies, or you? Or does it mean that even after you have both died that everyone who knew of this love keeps it remembered in their hearts and it is never forgotten?
     Forever; without ever ending; eternally. That is the dictionary definition of forever. Eternally; forever; infinite; the one thing that memories are, the one thing that feelings are, and the only thing that doesn't truly exist.

     Best friends; forever. That's what we say we are, but now I feel that all I am to you is a gap filler. When everyone else is busy, you know I never am, so who do you call when you're feeling lonely? Of course, you call me. I'm no longer the person you trust with everything, I'm no longer called your little sister, you seem to be pushing me away all because she came back. I have always been there for you and I always will be so why chose her over me. Oh, I know why, because, "She's family, you're family too, but she's blood." I don't give a fuck if she's blood or not, family is someone who knows all of your faults and still sees them as part of your beauty, who accepts you for who you are no matter what. They'll tell you your faults, and then stand strong by your side to help you fix them. They don't just agree with everything you say, they don't put other people down just to make you feel better, because family isn't separated by differences of opinion, they're separated by judgement. And lately all you've been doing is judging me, calling me a liar. I haven't lied to you once. Just because you don't like someone doesn't mean I have to not like them, yes, they may have done some fucked up things to someone you care about, but you've hurt people I care about and love too, so you can't use that as an excuse to get mad at me for trying to help them when they need someone.

     I know what it feels like to be alone in a fight of love, because for almost two years now I've fought for someone I love, and I've done it with no help from anyone, nobody stood beside me holding my hand telling me that it was going to be okay, nobody wiped my tears. I fought alone, I felt alone, unwanted, like I was a piece of shit that nobody cared about. So, when she came to me asking me to help her, and to stand by her, and hold her hand because she felt that way, I couldn't resist because I know what it feels like to be that way and have no one step up to prove to me that my thoughts are wrong. 

     You will always be locked onto my hearts own "Pont des Arts" wall. But I feel like our names are rubbing off and that no one can even tell who the lock belongs to anymore. Because, I've been pushed to the back burner. I don't know if anyone can even tell that we're friends anymore. So, when the time comes once again that you don't have anyone to fill your gap and you come running to me, I might just have to break your heart a little. I don't want to be your gap filler, I just want to be your best friend again.