Attack of Myself

  I got attacked recently. Physically, mentally, and emotionally.
It's someone I've tried to put on the back burners of my life. Someone that doesn't belong.

  It's me. Not necessarily me as a physical being, but me as a mental being. 
  An inner me.
   An inner demon.

  She used to show up more often, about 2 years ago, I don't know who she is. But she thrives on pain, physical pain, and the emotional destruction of my happiness.
  She's deadly.

  You may not believe a bit of this but it's true, she attacked me. She left lines on my arms where there were scars already. 7 of them, bold and brash as could be. 
  There's no hiding them. I'm terrified what people might think of me. I'm scared of losing people because of someone I can't control. I don't know why she came back. I've told her many times not to. I don't want her, I'm sick of who she makes me. I'm sick of who she is. She's already scarred me countless times. I don't regret the scars, because they remind me of how far I've come and how much I've grown from who I used to be. I know I am stronger than she is, but she seems to be fighting her way through. I just wish I knew how.

  Am I really that broken? That she can push her way through m damaged interior and fight her way through my cracked self, back to my exterior?
   Am I really that susceptible to who I used to be?
  It pains me just to think I am.

  I can't even comprehend why she's back. I just want her to leave. I don't even want her hiding inside me anymore. I just want her to GO!

  If this were to have been written on paper I doubt anyone could even read it. Tear soaked paper is hard to perceive, when most things are digital now days.

  But really, I am so pained. I just wish these scabs would fall off already.
  I wish it was winter, so I could put my hoodie back on and just hide my scars, and hide myself away from the world.

  I hate the world, I hate myself. I hate everything. I don't even understand anything anymore. The devil has a tight grip on my mind and I don't know how he got a hold of it. I've fought him, he's taken an arm, and tried his hardest to get my life. But I won't let him have it! I won't! I just can't get her to leave me alone!

  Right now she's telling me that I'm stupid! I'm worthless! That all I need to feel better is to watch the blood flow down my arm. More scars, more cuts, more blood, more pain... I crave it, but I know I don't need her.

  She keeps breaking me down...

   I'm losing control.
    I'm always losing control...

  Tonight's going to be sleepless I can already tell...

   Well I'm tired of typing, I'll tell y'all how everything is going in a little while...

   Sweetdreams,
                          Kayybaby.